Humor
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
I am a fruitcake. Why? Because I’m fruity and nutty. That’s the joke. Tada!
What joke could orphan's never understand?
Your Mom jokes.
Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
Spell "attic."
Okay. A-T-T-I-C. /a titi/ tata. I see.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.