Humor
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
Why did the yeet yeet? It yeeted!
Deez nutz!