Humor
What’s black and white and dead all over? My Chemical Romance.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
I'm dead! 😂💀💀
Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?
Never mind. It’s too cheesy!
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
ben woof
So I thought about trying to eat a clock one day.
After about 13 tries, I realized this was very time consuming.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
Biggest joke?
[Image of Zac Efron]
Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Answer: Tequila
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"