Humor

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

What does an Asian doorbell sound like?

"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?

MEALS ON WHEELS :-)

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

What is a Russian joke?

Something that will be funny for Russian people.

What are intelligent people in the US called?

"Tourist."

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Redundant.

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.