Humor
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?