Humor
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
Mooning is very astrological!
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
This website hahahahahahaha!
Stephen Hawking and his wife Siri’s favorite place to eat is Meals on Wheels!
What is a "dad?"
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)