Humor
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.