My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.

What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...

We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!

I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.

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  • A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?

    The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.