Humor
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why was the Milky Way remembered...
Because it's... DELICIOUS!
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
My jokes are cancer.
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs are both the same!