Humor
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."
And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...
On the floor.
And died.
The end.
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.