Humor
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."
So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"
The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" "A bad joke."
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.