Humor
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Haha
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.