Humor
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
The morbid jokes on this site.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."