Humor
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have schizophrenia,
And so do I.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
You are all going to be pun-ished!
These aren't funny.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.