Humor
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
It's a RUF life in Africa.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
How ISS greets their friend.
"You the BOMB!"
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...