Humor
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.