Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.

She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

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  • So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

    And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

    What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

    The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

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  • Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?

    She had no arms.

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Not Susie.

    The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:

    98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!

    1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.

    Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!