Humor
Don't bully. Lol.
So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."
And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it.
Ya it's bad:)
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.