Humor

Humor

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I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

  • 0

    • What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

    At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

    Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.

  • 4

    • The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

  • 3

    • I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.

    Ok, not really racist but still funny.

  • 6

    • What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

    Fat, you get fat.

    What? Were you expecting a pi joke?

  • 3

    • I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

    He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

    Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

    Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

    Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

    What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

    School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

  • 3

    • What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

    What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

  • 2

    • Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.

    Hehehe