Humor
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.
She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
My life, lmao.
Bean.