Humor
The morbid jokes on this site.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.