Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing on a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner?

Same baby, one week later.

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  • I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

    A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

    Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

    Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    Papyrus: Because he looked like me.

    Sans: Sure.