Sister

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

Skeleton

8 views ·

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.

Relish

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

Dream

6 views ·

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

Skeleton

11 views ·

Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.

PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.

Movie

1 view ·

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

Cow

4 views ·

What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.

What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.

Cannibal

7 views ·

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

Baby

2 views ·

What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing on a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner?

Same baby, one week later.

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  • Bear

    2 views ·

    I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

    Sexual Assault

    232 views ·

    A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."