Humor

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Why don't Romans find algebra fun?

X is always ten.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.

"Hey, how do I look?"

"With your eyes, Joe."

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

I farted. LOL.

Yo mama so fat it took Nationwide three years to get on her good side.

The Ace of Spades was Hippy Flipping.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

Papyrus: Sans, your jokes are bad!

Sans: I don’t care; I got thick skin.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.

My favorite toast for parties:

May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.

Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"

Guy: That's probably because you're single.