What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
Humor
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
