Back
Humor

Humor

Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

  • 2

    • Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

    Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

    Student: Ok!!

    Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

    Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

    Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

    Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

    Wife is texting husband:

    "Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"

    Husband: "seilghsielguG"

    Wife: "Seriously, David?"

    Husband: "fuweyadb"

    Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

    My friend: What’s wrong?

    Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

    Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

    Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

    My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

    Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.

    Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

    Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

    Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

    Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

    Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

    Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

    Brother 2: You monster.

    Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

    Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

    Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

    Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

    Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

    Brother 1: Found them.

    *imaginary mother and brother fade away*

    Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

    Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

    So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

    if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

    What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?

    They are both going to be hanging from a tree.

    What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

    A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.