What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
Humor
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to skull.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What do you call a banana that peels itself?
Appealing!
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
What is the funniest joke of all time?
Your face.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
I tried to catch fog today. I mist.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.
What is the biggest joke ever? Trump.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
Why did the clown not attack Mike? Because they bouncee.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
