Humor
I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.
The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"
That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
My friend is blind.
So he always says he cannot Nazi.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.
Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?
Because he's British.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
The world is a freaking rape joke.