Humor
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Man: Die, potato!
Potato: *screams*
I like trains.
Kid: I like trains.
Man: No, wait!
Train: *kills man*
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
My name has "anus" in it.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
"Knock knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.