Humor

What do planets use to download music?

Nep-tunes.

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"

The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

Mike Oxlong.

I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.

Interfischl

Happy

Apple

Tea

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dwarf: pulls down the flap for the mirror.

Also dwarf: can’t see.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.

My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."

A man can form Jupiter girls came from Venus, and other genders came right from Uranus.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?

A sex-a-phone.