How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Humor
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
This website is cruel and is NOT funny.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
First (DYM 68).
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
No joke.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
Stop orphan jokes!
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
