Humor

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

¿No sabes el chiste de Pocoyó? Tan Pocoyó.

What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.

Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.

What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?

None fave. Foch heads.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

Can you guys comment on my nuts jokes (aka Willma, Bofa, and Savor)? I just want to see if people don't think it's funny.

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.