Humor
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Why can't gay people have hairlines? Because it's not straight.
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
Skeppy is the joke.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.