Humor
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Why can't gay people have hairlines? Because it's not straight.
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
Skeppy is the joke.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.