Humor
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?