Humor
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What type of cartoon do spiders like to watch the most?
Web Cartoons!
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
"Talking Ben killed me. JK, it was talking me."
What a world we live in. Now we’re making jokes about anorexic people.
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You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."