You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
Humor
The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Haha, I have my own joke category now!
Why does this category seem to have the most retold and recycled jokes on this website?
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
Did you know, the average gay person likes men?
