Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!๐
Me thinking it's a gift from God: ๐ด๏ธ๐
Hi, this is not a joke. Please like, or I will be verrrrrrry sad! -_-
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
What do you call an Indian electrician?
Ashok ๐
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.