Humor

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.

Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.

The French: "But how did you do it?"

The Italian: "I killed one."

The German: "So what?"

The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.

Today I am finding out the lore of worstjokesever.com.

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

What color is Stephen Hawking's house?

It's a bungalow.

On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!

My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂

Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎

Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Hi, this is not a joke. Please like, or I will be verrrrrrry sad! -_-

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

Why are Japanese always so skinny?

Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.