What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Human Behavior Jokes
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
Teacher: Why do people snore?
Me: Because they sleep.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?