Hows jokes
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.