Hows jokes
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Memes
You are the special
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.