Hows jokes

How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?

Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

How did I know where you would go next?

Oh, I felt it in my bones!

Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.

Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄

Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?

She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.

How do emos like their meat cooked?

Medium rawr.

How old are 9/11 victims?

"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.