Hows jokes
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
Memes
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.