Hows Jokes

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.

How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?

When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

meme:

The image shows a dialogue between a teacher and a student about cake. The teacher poses a math problem, and the student gives increasingly aggressive answers, ending with "10 and a dead body". The image includes anime characters and the text "PROBLEM?".

How do mountains see? They peek.

How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.

Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Steven.

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.