Hows jokes
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How do mountains see? They peek.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!