Hows jokes
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."