Hows jokes
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.