Hows jokes
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.