Hows jokes
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
Memes
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.