Hows jokes
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.