How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic
Whats the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable Other man: How do you know that? Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth* Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Someone: PLEASE EAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE *Me tryna remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because ive already googled it and given up because it takes too long* Me: Na yeah I still have 19 days left
"How would you describe yourself in three words?" "Lazy!"
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the twin towers.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy a girl, its meatballs
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop an 12
how is a child molester and harambe the same, they both get shot for touching little kids
how did Aby get away from mr. ryan in iran. he ran
How do you make a blind person jealous you ask if it’s a nice day out
How much work does a skeleton get done? A SKELE-TON
Why aren’t apple chargers called apple juice. Also How do u throw away trash cans?
I asked the gym instructor
"can you teach me to do the splits?",
"How flexible are you?" He asked
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital? Throw a strob light in the epileptic ward
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long You wait to smash, for me and my girlfriend it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling
I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".
She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied "you just ask nicely
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
