Hows jokes
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
Memes
It's true though
How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."