Hows jokes
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Memes
Relatable
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.