Hows jokes
How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
How do you say "fish" without the "i"?
Fsh
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.