Hows jokes
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
. . .
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
How much is McDonald's on a hot day?
Trump cut the company's advertising spending on Spotcom by 25%.
No matter how black the person is, that cum will still be the whitest thing you'll ever see.
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
"Know, know how there."
"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"
A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.
Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.