Hows jokes
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?
Perform fellatio on gay men.
Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
Good morning, Gwen, how are you?
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating.
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
How did the Iron and Gold start dating?
They met on TINder.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)