Hows jokes

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.

How do you get a monkey off the wall?

You jerk him off!

How does a skeleton call his friends?

On the tele-bone!

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...