Hows jokes
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?
A: Give them a Happy Meal.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)