Hows jokes
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!