You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Hows Jokes
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
How do Chinese people name their babies?
They chuck a pan down the stairs.
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
How sexy is Ariana Grande?
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?
Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
How do you clean the ocean?
With tide!
