House jokes

What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?

Fuller House.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.

What did the floor say to the ceiling?

"I look up to you."

What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”

He hid in her attic.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

Why was the piano waiting at the front door?

Because it forgot which key to use!

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.