House jokes
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.
Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?
Orphan: I don't have a family.
What show can the orphan relate to... Full House.
Earth is full. Go home!
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
People have houses, but I don't have a house because I don't have parents, said the orphan.