House jokes
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
People have houses, but I don't have a house because I don't have parents, said the orphan.
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.