Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Whats red, six inches long and made my girlfriend cry when i fed it to her? her misscarrage
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one ๐!
Tj: ๐.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: ๐ No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! ๐.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: ๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐คฐ๐คฐ๐คฐ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ฆ
Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but Iโm not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if heโs OK. He says, "Yeah, Iโm all RIGHT."
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.
Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.
Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!
Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??
If Stephen Hawking Gets a Heart Attack, where do you go, The hospital or curryโs PC World
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
