Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter" (e)
My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents. " Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white." The mother rushes the boy to the hospital while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm. "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" He exclaims. The wife looks up at him. "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection."
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted; “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital
A Doctor walks into his office and look his paitent in the eyes "Sir you have to stop Jerking off." The Man ask "Why?" The Doctor then says "Because im trying to examin you."
POV you accidentally get H in your IV drip
Why was the north tower a bad doctor when the south tower collapsed? Bc the north tower didn’t do cpr
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital because they don’t get homesick
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off? He's all right now
why are Christmas trees banned at mental hospital they would hang themselves like ornaments
I got evicted from the hospital today For telling all the patients to stay positive! What a negative effect!
My wife was run over
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose tell his family he/she was a fruit now he/she's a vegetable at least there still in the produce section
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimers". The old guy replies "At least I've not got cancer".
