A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
Hospital Jokes
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
