Hospital jokes
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
Memes
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.