Hospital jokes

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?

Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?

A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?

An escapee from a mental hospital.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?

They would hang themselves like ornaments.

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.