Hospital Jokes

so a blind man got run over by a car......a parked car

Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital. Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good. Guy #2: Why, what is it? Guy #1: Turns out, I have Prostate Cancer. Guy #2: Oh man that sucks... Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said “Celsius.”

Doctor : I can't treat you ORPHAN: WHy! Doctor :I'm a family Doctor

Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?

No, what happened?

He couldn’t stop pootin!

when you were born your mom said you were out of bounds so you went flying out of the hospital

what is the perfect job for a paedophile

a physical doctor for kids

What time is it you spran an ankle or an arm ? Time to go to the doctor 🥼

where did steven hawkings go when he broke his leg? hospital or curries pc world

What did the Emo say to the surgeon ? "cut me please"

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Cancer

Why's it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?

The damages are severe

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

You know your doctor is gay when he ask u to touch your toes and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus

So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"