Horror jokes
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!
What is a necrophile's least favorite game?
The Walking Dead.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
This isn't ketchup.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.