Horror jokes
Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What game do zombies like to play?
Corpse and Robbers.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
How many babies does it take to light up a basement? I don't know, my basement is still dark.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
This isn't ketchup.