Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
Skinny deformed creature in the distance.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
I eat kids.
