Horror jokes
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
Skinny deformed creature in the distance.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.