New Horror Jokes

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.

What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?

They both have red circles on their bodies.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.

It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

How fast does 173 move?

Breakneck speeds!

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.