Holiday jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.

You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.

Orphan: Where... Oh.

What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"

"Claustrophobic!"

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

Because they don't have father's and mother's days.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.