Holiday jokes
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.