Holiday jokes

You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!

Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.

You look pretty today... April Fools!

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?

HO HO HO

Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

Because they don't have father's and mother's days.

What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.