Holiday jokes
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
Memes
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
You look pretty today... April Fools!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.