So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What did the orphan want for Christmas.
Parents
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
