Holiday jokes
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.