What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Why do mummies have trouble making friends?
What do you read on Halloween?
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
