Hit

Hit Jokes

Society

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

Abuse

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

Prison

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Kitchen

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Puck

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

Girl

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

Dad

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

Baseball

My cousin really loves baseball.

He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.

Difference

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

Electronics

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

Accident

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

Parachute

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Rapper

Why don't rappers ever play baseball?

Because they're too busy dropping hits!

Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

Woman

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Rapper

Why was the rapper bad at baseball?

Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.