What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
JFK is definitely a bottom.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
Sniff a liter of petrol. You'll go back to the dream time at.
It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.
I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex They both went down on my dad
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
